


Chimney Dragon Firework Extravaganza (Or CDFE for Short)

by everythingisbetteratdusk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 20:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14120670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisbetteratdusk/pseuds/everythingisbetteratdusk
Summary: It wasn't so much that James hated mornings. No, he had a fine relationship with mornings. They meant new pranks to play, another chance to get on a broom and, most importantly, breakfast. No, the problem- well, problems- he had with mornings had nothing to do with them and everything to do with the two idiots he was forced to share them with.“LA PUTA MADRE!”Oh, and her too.





	Chimney Dragon Firework Extravaganza (Or CDFE for Short)

It wasn't so much that James hated mornings. No, he had a fine relationship with mornings. They meant new pranks to play, another chance to get on a broom and, most importantly, breakfast. No, the problem- well, problems- he had with mornings had nothing to do with them and everything to do with the two idiots he was forced to share them with.

“LA PUTA MADRE!”

Oh, and  _ her _ too.

Two hands grabbed him by the shoulders, rattling him like a maraca. “James!” 

“Potter, get up we need help.”

“Baez, I… Merlin I’m too tired to insult you, go away.” He buried his head on the pillow, blocking them from him. The protection didn't last very long, Baez tore it from under him, making him face plant into the mattress. He turned, the light beaming through the window blinded him. “What?”

The answer, however, was unnecessary. A loud bang resonated through the entire house, rattling the very bed James was lying on.

“That.” Baez rolled her eyes, dragging him out of bed.

He shook her off and turned to Abbie, “What in the name of Merlin was that?”

She grimaced, passing him the shirt he’d left on the floor last night. “Fred and Matt are lighting fireworks in the chimney.”

“Come again?”

“It's not very complicated, Potter, the two idiots are still drunk and trying to kill us all, now help us stop them before they tear the house down.”

“And you want me to help you… how exactly?”  
Baez looked as if she was about to snark back at him but Abbie beat her to the punch. “Please, James, just come down and help.”

He sighed, rubbing his eyes to wipe away the reminder of sleep on them. “Fine.”

 

* * *

 

Downstairs the alleged “idiots” were having what some would call “ a fucking blast”. It`s true art to be able to still be pissed past eight in the morning and to not have barfed your small intestine out at least once. Timing, self-control and balance must come together to hit that exact spot in which you can glide through reality as if propulsed by a cloud of ethanol. Last night, our idiots had become masters of this art.

Giggling like two thirteen year olds fangirling over their favourite boyband they had decided that the best way to celebrate the new year was to utterly compromise the structural stability of the fucking house. 

“If we could-” Fred tried to gasp out in between giggles, “-if we could send some of those fire the chimney`ll look just like a bloody dragon, mate.”

“Mate.” Matt said in the way that keyed the interlocutor had just had their fucking brains blown away, stretching the vowels so that the entire word can match the length of the revelation made. “That`d fucking awesome.”

If we could capture the energy those two amassed in the single hour they spent planning their “Chimney Dragon Firework Extravaganza”, or CDFE for short, we’d have enough to power a small country for an entire century. You could say anything about them except that once they put their minds to something they were the most diligent motherfuckers this side of the English Channel.

There was nothing, nothing, that could have stopped them once they’d begun… except the three most hungover, sleep-deprived motherfuckers this side of the English Channel.

Their steps reverbated down the stairs, putting an end to the giggling. Nate and Fred looked at each other, understanding that they were about to get thoroughly fucked, they began giggling again. There was a chill in the air and as they turned around they saw _ them _ . They had called them friends once, siblings even. But now, they were the enemy, pure and simple.

Lina was the first to talk, she descended the last step on the stairs with an iron foot. “Can you please tell us what the hell you two are doing?” 

There was no time to waste, this was war and they would not be on the losing side.  With a speed that would astound all present for the rest of their lives, Nate grabbed the unlit fireworks and began sprinting towards the door.

“Nathan, don`t let them get me!”

“Consider your back had, mate.” He cried before sprinting into battle.

 

* * *

 

Abigail Augusta Longbottom-Abbot was not a someone to be shaken easily. After all when you’ve spent most of your formative years surrounded by a bunch of loud, melodramatic people who could give any reality-tv star a run for their money you tend to grow a thick skin. However, evading incoming hexes from your half-naked friend while trying to catch your other half-naked, firework-cradling friend as you all run around in an open field was not something she’d ever expect to be doing.

“Nathan, stop! You’re not overage yet, you can’t use magic!”

“Thanks, for pointing it out Abbie, I’m sure he’ll take it into consideration.” James snarked as he ran ahead of her.

“Oh my God, Potter, even while running you can’t stop being an absolute dick.”

_ For Merlin’s sake, not now _ , Abbie sighed watching Lina and James fall into another argument. She seriously couldn’t chose who was worse, Fred and Nate with their drunken stupidity or James and Lina and their endless bickering. At least one of them had the excuse of alcohol for being so annoying. They were running ahead of her by at least a mile, how they managed to scream at each other and still maintain that pace was beyond her. “Guys!”

“ **_What?_ ** ” They screamed back at her.

When they got back, she was going to need at least a three hour long massage to stop herself for killing them.“Can you please leave the arguing for when we´re not chasing two drunk idiots holding flammable objects?”

Lina rolled her eyes, flipping the bird at James before turning back to Nate and Fred.

“We won’t be able to stop them if we don’t use magic!” James said.

Lina shook her head, “We`re all still minors, we can’t-”

A jet of light sparked from James's wand, then another and suddenly Nate and Fred were lying limp on the floor. A smug smile spread across James`face as the fireworks fell to the ground.

Lina glared at him, “You do whatever it is that you want, don’t you, Potter? Why care what the law says when you're clearly above it.”

James stopped on his tracks, “Says the girl who once used illegal itching powder to make sure Sebastian Cresswell didn't get to sit for a DADA exam.” 

Lina planted herself in front of him. “That was completely different!”

Abbie was trying to massage away the headache that the hungover and her screaming friends had created when, out of the corner of her eye, she spied Fred and Nate crawling away from them before jumping into a sprint.

“Guys!” They both scoffed and turned away from each other, each facing a different direction. Abbie stood in between them rubbing her temples. “They are getting away!”

Eyes wide they both turned around to watch as the figures of the two idiots receded into the horizon.

“La puta madre!” Lina cursed again.

“Great job, Baez, anything else you wanna fuck up?”

“Oh my god, Potter, this was clearly  _ your _ fault!”

“If you two don't shut up right now I´ll…” Abbie began before realizing she had no idea how to end that sentence, James and Lina cocked their eyebrows at the unfinished threat. “... I won't lend you my Charms notes ever again.”

“Abbie!” They both whined.

She raised her eyebrows, waiting for them to give it up. James huffed and Lina kicked a bit of grass but they raised their hands in defeat.

“We´re going to have to use  magic, we won't get five feet from the otherwise.” James reasoned.

Lina´s brows furrowed into the same expression she had while swallowing a bit of food she found particularly revolting, but eventually she sighed, “Fine, but we need to plan a way to ambush them, we´ll get nowhere slinging hexes at them while running.”

“Aww, don't worry, we don´t mind your shitty aim” James cooed.

Abbie pinched her brow as the bickering begun again.

 

* * *

 

Lina had no idea how she'd gotten here.

One moment you´re just a simple muggleborn, trying to survive in your new magical school, befriending a kind blonde girl with an uncanny partiality to liquorice and the next thing you know you´re crouching down in overgrown grass, trying to ambush the two dimwits you have for friends. 

This were the times when she cursed the limitations of the english language in the cursing department. Spanish, at least, was very happy to provide where english fell short. “Me re cago en la re concha de los boludos estos, quien mierda me mando a mi a-”

“Baez, if you´re gonna give us away with the sound of your whining then at least do it in a language that we can understand”

She glared at Potter, he was standing- well, crouching- behind her, looking every ounce the prick he was. “Potter, por qué no me chupas bien la concha?”. She went back to staring right ahead but she couldn't help spying as Potter asked Abbie in the faintest voice he could muster to translate what she´d said. The sympathetic shake of Abbie´s head was almost enough to send her on a fit of giggles, she had to bit her own lip to stamp down the urge.

The burst of movement, followed by stifled laughter grabbed the attention of the three of them. She turned around to see Potter mouthing: _ 3...2...1. _

They pounced. Potter going for Fred, Lina for Nate and Abbie throwing to quick, precise Expelliarmus to rid them of their wands.

“Jesus, guys quit struggling.” Lina painted as she tried to hold down Nate´s hands, she blinked, his hands were empty.

“What” Potter snarled.

Lina sighed, kicking Nate in the back of his knee so he'd stop squirming.“I'm guessing Fred's hands are empty too.”

Potter´s gaze went from Lina to Fred´s empty hands. He let go of his cousin. “For Merlin´s bloody, sweaty thong Fred, where the fuck did you drop those stupid fireworks?”

Nate and Fred shared a look, their still very much drunk minds trying to work through the fog the alcohol had left. There was silence, a minute passed and then… “Shit.” They chorused.

 

* * *

 

The Weasley clan had taken one look at the glorious winter morning that had dawned on the new year and decided to enjoy it by ice-skating in one of the lakes nearby the Burrow. One look at the five heavy sleeping teenagers had made it clear that they did not wish to deal with any of them that morning. So they let them sleep on.

How much of a mistake that had been made itself pretty obvious the moment they opened the door to a razed living room and five missing teenagers.

The adults decided to wait for them on the scene of the crime, so they sat in lazy circle, waiting.

It wasn't long before the culprits walked in, looking much worse for wear than they would have expected. Freddy and Nate looked like two racoons that had been tenderdly embraced by a trash disposer. The other three looked as if  _ they  _ had been the tender trash disposer. There was a long silence when they entered, only broken when James shook his head, shot his parents a semblance of an apologetic look and went upstairs. Lina and Abbie shared a glance before following suit. 

The leftover two stood there, one half of them scared shitless by the promise of cold retaliation shining in the eyes of the adults, the other grown careless by the increasingly painful hungover that had just begun assaulting them.

It was Harry who finally sighed, standing up from his spot on the couch. “Clean this up before lunch and we never have to talk about this again.”

The adults left the living room as one.

Matt and Fred looked at each other, then at the mess. With a resigned sigh they began to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this one-shot for hpnextgensource.tumblr.com´s March event. However, it is linked to a multi-chapter fic I´ll soon be publishing in full here . I hope you´ve enjoyed it and if you did please leave a kudos and comment!


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